Fuzzy Mind

Sitting here with a migraine.
My body hurts.
I’m tired.
Not in the sense of being sleepy.

I tell myself that time is an illusion.
That life has no clock, but that’s not true.
I feel bound to the ground as everything age around me by the second.

I drown myself in my hobbies, yet the happiness is fleeting and temporary.
I’m actively trying to get myself out of this negative space.
Trust me, I don’t like feeling this way.
I’m not basking in this glutton for punishment.

I’m literally stuck…mentally.
I don’t know where to steer myself.
Yet, I think people believe that I’m searching for this pain.
“Only you can change it.” “Do something about it.”

What the hell am I to do?
I don’t know!
I have only one solution.

A solution that would invoke pity on me.
A solution where I’m deemed as selfish.
A solution that isn’t really a solution.

I don’t see myself a victim.
Don’t call me that.
I see myself as simply lost.
I am not a masochist.
I just have a fuzzy mind.

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