I know that it’s been awhile.

I haven’t been writing to myself and the world, although nobody really reads this, because I’ve been doing some reflecting on myself and some searching.

I feel like I’m another journey that I didn’t pick for myself.

Except for this time, the journey involves people that I thought were close, people that I wasn’t close with but around, and my home life.

 Edit: This section was deleted. However, I still feel the same way about the situation.

I consider myself a very loyal person. But, I had to realize that sometimes those that you are loyal to aren’t necessarily loyal to you. It’s a hard pill to swallow.

At home, le sigh, I would like to say that I thought things were okay. Except that it’s not…I’m assuming. I didn’t know that my body was a tool for others to use at their free will. I’m not a blow-up doll. Telling me that you want to fuck me or making stupid subtle hints doesn’t make my jollies get all wet. Grabbing my chest like a petulant child doesn’t make me feel wanted. It makes me feel like a cheap toy. Yet, you get upset and exaggerate the number of days that you didn’t have sex. Really? Am I just a humanize fuckstick? I don’t want to embellish in 5-7 minutes of one-sided joy. I’m still a woman that likes feeling attractive, feeling like her body is wanted, making love; not this blow my load and snore fest. le sigh.

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