It finally got me.

Lately, I’ve been smiling in the face of every adversity.
Not letting its claws tear through my skin.
Reminding myself that “It’s above me now and the higher power will take care of it.”
Until now.

It finally got me.
I’m stressed.
I’m already second-guessing myself and thinking that nothing will go right.
I was fine earlier.
And then….it just hit me like a stack of bricks.
The panic started to set in.

How am I going to do this?
How will this get done?
Why did I even do this or that?
Did I write my name in red somewhere? [A Korean superstition]

I was so happy about everything that has happened to me in the past two weeks.
It feels like all of that has vanished.
Poof.

I keep telling myself that I’m in the process of a change.
A crossover.
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Isaiah 43:18-19, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

I know that I have to pray on it.
I’ve been doing that a lot lately.
But, I can’t help but feel like this was coming.
Doesn’t it always?
This feeling of being happy and then: Boom! 
Enters
Unhappiness.
Sometimes always occurs, and I mean, ALWAYS.

I’m trying my hardest to not let the negativity manifest.
I will do well.
It will be okay.
Things will work out.
I’m on a path of greatness and this molehill can be conquered.
Although I can’t control the things that aren’t in my power, I can control the things that I have power over.
I can do this.
I am STRONG.

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